Just when you think life can't get any worse, it does just that. I have been a single mother now for 5 years and life just gets harder and harder and I find myself in the worst depression I have ever been in. If anything, writing this will be therapy to myself. In May I lost my job and I am currently unemployed in the worst economy ever. I am an artist with a degree and that makes me qualified for nothing. I would repeat college all over again had I known that I would never find a job with benefits, a 401K, paid sick days and vacation time.

I am 37 now and have the most amazing 7 year old boy and yet when I look at him I cry because I feel like a failure to him. It is unfortunate that he has to see me this sad everyday, as happy as he is, and not know why mommy sits and cries all the time. He doesn't understand the woes of not having enough money to pay the bills or buy food. That is all irrevelant to him. And it should be. His father hasn't paid any child support in almost a year and he wonders why he doesn't see daddy anymore. This is the first summer I haven't been able to sign him up for summer camp or a summer program because of the lack of funds.

Now we come to me. For a 37 year old, I still look pretty young. But for some reason I now have gum disease that could cost me my smile. Way to depress me even more. I know it sounds vein but its harder and more cruel for a woman to lose her teeth. And not do to bad oral hygene. I brush and floss everyday. But for some reason I have this and without funds for surgury it's looking pretty grim. My boyfriend has lost interest in me. He liked the whole package when we met but now so much has changed for the worse with me and he just doesn't care as much as I thought he did.

I know there are people out there in worse conditions but I have come to believe that the only thing that will save me is by some miracle of winning the lottery. I want to be the best I can be for my son but life keeps throwing punches at me and I am powerless. I send out resumes every day and no one responds. I fear that at sometime this year we will be homeless and then what? If anyone reading this thinks I am feeling sorry for myself, you are right. I am in a slump and positive thinking doesn't keep the lights on.